Is Divorce "Contagious"?

Source:www.twoofus.org

Divorce can be contagious in social networks, according to a study by researchers at the University of California, San Diego, Harvard University, and Brown University.

The effect is based on the theory of social contagion—the spread of emotion or behavior through a group. The impact of a couple’s divorce can also extend beyond their immediate social circle, influencing people with two degrees of separation or more.

Are you at risk of “infection”?

Was your mother right after all? Are some friends really a “bad influence”? Whether or not you consider divorce to be bad, the study suggests our peers’ behavior may very well impact our own, at least when it comes to divorce.

People with a divorced friend were 147 percent more likely to be divorced than people whose friends’ marriages were intact, according to the study. Even our siblings seem to exert influence over our marriages—people with a divorced sibling are 22 percent more like to get divorced.

The workplace can also be a breeding ground for divorce: A divorced co-worker can increase the probability of another employee divorcing by 55 percent.

Children seemed to offer some level of protection—couples with kids were less susceptible to “contagious” divorce.
According to the study, other people may act as “carriers” of the divorce bug. These individuals may not be personally vulnerable to divorce. However, by relaying details of a friend’s divorce to another person, he or she may unintentionally encourage that person to divorce.

Divorce is not an actual virus; you are not powerless against it. However, divorce in your social circles can weaken your marriage’s immune system, if you let it. But why?

What makes divorce “contagious”?

When a friend vents about problems in his/her marriage, you may become increasingly critical of your own relationship. Your friend may express feelings of release or freedom in the wake of the divorce, prompting you to crave the same. While divorce is already commonplace in our society, having someone in your circle of friends “pave the way” can make divorce seem more appealing.

Have you recently been “exposed” to divorce? Has the encounter left you feeling vulnerable in your own marriage? If so—and if you want to preserve your marriage—read on for tips on fighting off divorce.

Building immunity in your marriage

Don’t avoid your divorced friends for fear of “catching” divorce. However, if you like being married—and would like to stay that way—consider the following:

• Be mindful of how your peers’ actions and attitudes can affect your own. Don’t ignore legitimate issues in your relationship, but don’t inflate them either. Keep a level-headed perspective on your marital problems. When problems arise, deal promptly (and fairly) with the specific issues involved—don’t let the tension build for months. Learn positive communication patterns to help you and your spouse resolve relationship problems together.

• Don’t nitpick every minor defect in your partner, merely because your friends are doing the same. You may start bad-mouthing your spouse to a divorcing friend, in large part, to make him or her feel better. But these words can worm their way deeper into your psyche, where they can fester. Don’t vent about your spouse to a third party without first communicating the issue to your spouse.

• Strengthen your defenses. If the flu was spreading rapidly in your social circle, you would take precautions to avoid getting sick. Do the same for your marriage. Consider taking a marriage or relationship education workshop. Or, take advantage of the many free online resources to build your relationship skills.

• Don’t delay getting treatment. If your marriage feels unhealthy, seek professional intervention—promptly. If you wait to see a marriage counselor until your marriage is almost comatose, recovery will be more challenging. However, very few marriages are truly terminal, with no other solution than to divorce. If a couple is dedicated to working on their problems, most issues can be resolved.

Healthy marriages rarely collapse merely because a couple is “exposed” to divorce. If divorce is spreading rapidly among your peers, chances are those marriages were already in a weakened state. Still, if you want your marriage to live a long and healthy life, take good care of it. Remember what is positive in your relationship … and deal thoroughly and thoughtfully with the issues that have potential to harm your marriage.