5 Ways to Find Time for Your Spouse

(Take from www.twoofus.org)

It's tough to be a parent one minute and an attentive spouse the next. So if a strong marriage provides your kids with a much-needed sense of stability and security, how do you make time for your spouse and your marriage? Here are five tips:

Plan Regular Date Nights

Hire a sitter and grab dinner and a movie every week or month. Short on time? Meet each other for lunch. Short on funds? Watch a movie at home after the kids fall asleep. It's not what you do that matters. The important thing is that you spend time together having fun. Date nights are a time to connect and talk like adults, ignore the "business" of life (bills, parenting issues, in-laws), and just spend time together! Even when you're married, it's important to continue to get to know each other and talk about everything from the weather to your feelings, hopes, and plans for the future. We all grow and change over time and "dating" is a great way to keep in touch.

Explore the Little Things

Take advantage of smaller encounters and moments to let your spouse know how much you love them. When you see each other at the end of the day, stop what you're doing, greet each other, and talk briefly. Offer compliments, and do them a favor (or two!) without being asked. Don't take your spouse for granted. Show them often that you care.

Talk

Make time for small talk and meaningful discussions. Be respectful and listen when your partner talks. You don't need hours to connect, just some uninterrupted time. Communicating and working together to solve problems are key to maintaining healthy relationships. Look into marriage education workshops in your area to learn tools to help you make the most of the time you have to talk with each other.

Do It Together

Take up a hobby, enroll in a class, or pursue an activity you both enjoy. Again, it's all about spending time together as a couple and enjoying yourselves. If you can't agree on an activity, consider creating a list of experiences you'd each like to try and alternate from one list to the other. You may find that regardless of the activity, the opportunity to spend time together as a couple makes the event worthwhile!

Make Time for Sex

When it was just the two of you, there was no need to make time for sex; it just happened. Unfortunately, spontaneous intimacy isn't one of the hallmarks of parenting. Babies need your full attention, which can leave you too exhausted for sex when a private moment arrives. And just when the children become old enough to give you a bit of free time, interruptions become an issue. It won't be easy but you need to make sex a priority in your marriage. The intimate, one-on-one time you share will be exactly the closeness you and your spouse need to stay connected.

Conclusion

Parenting is stressful. It's no wonder many couples let their marriages run on autopilot while they devote their energy to the kids. While it's important to give your kids your love and attention, it's just as important to maintain a healthy marriage.

Busy busy busy

It's been a busy week and I haven't had time to blog on here like I wanted to. I'm about to go to a school to watch one of our workshops first hand. I'll get on here tomorrow and touch on a new subject. I'll be teaching my first workshop in two weeks and I'm very excited about that. I hope everyone's week is going well. Look for a new post tomorrow!

Hello all

Hope everyone's weekend was a relaxing, rejuvenating one. Looking to add some more discussions on here. Didn't want to move too fast so that everyone had a chance to read what we've got and comment if they'd like. Think we'll add something new either later today or tomorrow. Just wanted to say hi to everyone and wish them a great week!

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Resolving Differences with Respect

Why is it that most people believe communication should be easy? Good communication requires skill, attention, and energy. Many people believe, "If I have to work at this marriage, it must not be meant to be." Marriage requries work, lots of work.

Two rules of communicating successfully:

1. Listen first, speak second.

2. Ask questions. Don't assume.

Shared meaning happens when two or more people share the same meaning of an intended message and can repeat or paraphrase what is said.

Use feeling words carefully such as: ashamed; embarassed; hurt; lonely; scared; dicouraged; helpless; lost; sad; useless; confused; fearful; jealous; powerless; unimportant.

Take turns talking over what the problem is and how you think you can resolve it. One person talks first, while the other listens. Then switch: the listener becomes the talker and the talker becomes the listener. Remember to stay on subject of only ONE issue at a time. Resolve that issue before moving on. If it cannot be resolved at this time, set up a time when you will both feel comfortable calmly discussing the issue, preferably within 24 hours.

Taken from Just the Facts:Straight Talk About Marriage, program by Kelly Simpson

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