Should You Take Your Fiance's Last Name?

Source:www.twoofus.org

The vast majority of women marrying today—approximately 90 percent—take their husband’s last name. While most women eventually adopt their husband’s name, the decision to do so is complicated, even painful, for many women. The decision is also loaded with political, professional and social nuances.

Our last name is part of our identity—it is tied to our family, our cultural heritage and our past. How does a modern girl reconcile her desire to retain her identity while embracing her new life as a married woman? Fortunately, brides today have lots of options:

The Traditional Route: The woman takes her husband’s last name

Pros: Your relationship to your husband is clear to the whole world, so there’s no confusion. And because it is still the cultural norm in the United States, you will rarely have to “defend” or explain your decision to others.

In a culture where marriages are often seen as “disposable,” taking your spouse’s last name can symbolize commitment to your fiance. While merely taking your husband’s name won’t prevent divorce, it at least communicates your intention to make your marriage last.

Cons: Let’s face it: some names are simply more appealing than others. If your maiden name is “Walker,” changing it to “Gass” may seem like a bum deal. Or, your first name simply may not mix well with his last name. The name “Sky” is lovely—but tack it to a last name like “Miles” and it sounds a little awkward.

Other women may struggle with the emotional, cultural, social, or political implications of changing their last name.

Hyphenation—The woman combines her maiden and married names with a hyphen

Pros: Hyphenation is a common compromise—you get to keep your last name … and add his. Everyone’s happy, right?

Cons: These names can sometimes be a mouthful, especially if either name is long or difficult to pronounce. And to some people, hyphenated names sound a little snooty.

Doubling Up—The woman adopts her husband’s last name and uses her maiden name as a type of middle name (no hyphen)

Pros: You avoid the potentially-awkward hyphen while achieving a similar effect.

Cons: If you are a stickler for being called your full name at all times, you may end up disappointed. Without the hyphen, people may call you simply by your husband’s last name. Or they may misinterpret your maiden name as your actual middle name. And using all four of your names (first, middle, maiden, and married) at all times can be clunky.

Professional Duality—The woman keeps her maiden name in her professional life and uses her husband’s name in her personal/social life

Pros: This is fairly common practice among celebrities. For example, there is Demi Moore, the famous actress. Then there is Mrs. Kutcher (or @mrskutcher) the wife of Twitter-addict Ashton Kutcher. Even if you aren’t a movie star, keeping your maiden name professionally might make sense. Anyone whose career or professional reputation is closely tied to her name—journalists, lawyers, artists, realtors, etc.—has a certain amount of “brand equity” built into her name. By keeping your maiden name professionally, you can leverage this advantage—while still getting to be Mrs. ____ in your social circles.

Cons: If your private and professional worlds overlap at all, people may get confused and call by you the wrong name.

No Change—You keep your last name, he keeps his

Pros: It’s easy—no paperwork, no mess.

Cons: There is little sense of “togetherness” in the arrangement. And if you plan on having children, what name will they go by?