Do you know what destructive behaviors are? We're all guilty of them. Destructive behaviors are specific things people do or say that mess up relationships. Stonewalling/the silent treatment is a destructive behavior. Assuming what your partner is thinking is another one. The same for rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or other signs of contempt. Bringing up several issues at a time and switching the subject by accusing the person of something else are two more destructive behaviors. Also, exaggerating or keeping score. These are just a few.
It's hard to break these habits. So how do you stop from doing this? It takes work. You have to recognize you're doing it in the first place. Then you apologize for doing it. That takes courage. Decide you're going to treat that person better and be aware of what you say or how you act. You have to keep a watch on yourself and don't make excuses. Acknowledge that you make mistakes but that you're trying to do better. Take personal responsibility. Train yourself to be the best person possible, so that each day you can see yourself in the mirror and enjoy who you are inside and how you treat other people. People who can manage situations without using destructive behaviors can be more successful with friends, family, and in careers.
Taken from Straight Talk About Relationships/Marriage by Kelly Simpson
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I have enjoyed reading your blog so far. I can say that this is all great info. Having been married for 33 years, so far these are things we just went through and figured out for ourselves since we married soooooo young. We were and are lucky that we made the commetment to succeed. You never stop working on a relationship. There are always new and different issues and turns in life that can cause a breakdown. Communication is the key. Acceptance of differences is another. Stay friends but also couple time. You are stating it all. Good luck and I'll keep reading.
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