Married Discussion: Rethinking Romance with Your Spouse

Source: www.twoofus.org

Is romance dead? That depends on your definition of the word. Do you consider heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, candle-lit dinners and walks on the beach at sunset romantic? Perhaps you do, or maybe you believe romance can be incorporated into everyday occurrences like giving your special someone a quick neck/foot massage, tickets to a sporting event/concert, or a book by his or her favorite author “just because.”

Ironically while ‘love’ has existed for centuries, the idea of ‘romance’ is relatively new to humanity. In fact, courting rituals such as reciting flowery poetry and singing serenades became common practice in medieval times when men began following the lead of lovelorn characters in stage productions and written verse. By the dawn of the Victorian Era (1837), romantic love was viewed as the primary requirement for marriage and courting became an art form among the upper classes.

But is it realistic to expect the same romantic gestures told in fairy tales (or in Jane Austen favorites) to be applicable for today’s society and marriage expectations?

If you go in search of ‘how to be romantic’ on the internet or in books, you’ll find lists of ‘stuff’ that has been very popular in recent decades, such as flowers, candy, love letters, candlelit dinners and poetry. And while some still consider these things to be romantic, perhaps romance has evolved. In today’s world, there are endless ways to conjure up romance in your relationship. Perhaps taking a hike, having a picnic, roasting marshmallows in the fireplace while watching the Super Bowl, or working a crossword puzzle over coffee will melt your significant other’s heart. Or maybe your spouse simply wants genuine affection, or to feel appreciated and respected. The key is figuring out what your spouse thinks is romantic.

You may want to give some thought to how you and your spouse express how much you love and care about each other.
If you feel romance-deprived, first decide what you actually want and need in the way of romance. To determine this, here’s an intriguing activity to do with your spouse:

Take time to sit down and write out 10 romantic scenarios. There are no right or wrong answers - let your imagination run wild and think outside the box. If you let yourself be creative you will come up with some very romantic and “stimulating” ideas. Ask your spouse to do the same. Don’t rush this process; in fact, give each other a few days if necessary. After you both have your 10 ideas written down, number them in order from most romantic (#1) to least (#10) but keep the order of importance to yourself.

Next, plan a date to sit down and share your romantic thoughts and ideas. Try to guess the order of your spouse’s list. This can be a fun and eye-opening experience as you will begin to understand what romance really means to each of you.

In closing, consider this: Romance isn’t dead – with just a little thought and communication, you and your spouse can easily stay on the same “romance” page.