Source:www.twoofus.org
Assess the Mess
It’s spring and it’s the perfect time to review the state of your relationship. Does your relationship feel healthy and hopeful? Are you living in an emotional dump, at risk of being condemned? Or do you just need a little routine housekeeping to keep your relationship on track? Some questions to ask yourself:
What consistently creates “messes” in your relationship?
What holds you back from greater intimacy with your partner?
What wounds, if any, need to be addressed before you can move forward?
What habits or attitudes of yours consistently undermine the relationship?
How committed is your partner to basic relationship upkeep?
What can you do to cultivate healthy growth in your relationship?
Clear Some Space
Past wounds can crowd out present happiness. We all have some emotional dust bunnies and they only grow bigger with time. Sweeping them under the bed may work for a while, but eventually, you need to get rid of them. Are you finding those pesky little bunnies surprisingly hard to part with? Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional counselor to help you understand why some emotional debris is so hard to shake.
Empty the Trash
Bitterness reeks. Other people pick up on it and it is toxic to any relationship. True forgiveness isn’t a masking agent; it is a cleansing agent. You need to deal honestly with the pain. You need the wounding party to understand how and why their words or actions hurt you. But it takes a lot of forgiveness, applied regularly, to make any relationship work. While true forgiveness is often hard to dispense, it is liberating to both parties.
Take It to the Curb
After scrubbing your own heart as spick-and-span as possible, does your relationship still feel tainted? Are you in a relationship with someone who is utterly incapable of cleaning his or her own emotional mess? If so, it may be time to take the entire relationship to the curb.
If your relationship is worth salvaging, however, be sensitive as to how you communicate these clean-up efforts to your partner. Make sure she understands you are working to uncover the rich beauty of your relationship, not trying to scour her of every perceived imperfection. No relationship is perfect and no person is untouched by human weakness.
Apply Some Paint and Polish
Don’t just pick at the flaws in your relationship. After you have stripped away any unhealthy debris, safeguard your relationship by lavishing your partner with sincere praise, attention and affection. Your partner may feel vulnerable and scrutinized by the cleaning process, so be sure he perceives your renewed commitment to the relationship. The primary purpose of emotional “spring cleaning” is not disposal, but preservation of everything good, true and lovely in a relationship.
Build Something New Together
Spring is a time for new life and renewal. Don’t just tidy up your relationship; build on it. Find new ways to invest in your partner and your relationship. No matter how many years you have been with your partner, you can always explore new dimensions of your relationship. Try a new activity together, splurge on a shared dream, or simply make an effort to build your partner’s sense of self-worth. Investing in your partner is an investment in your shared life together.
Every good relationship requires regular upkeep—devote some time this spring to an honest assessment of your current situation and to building a healthy future together.
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