Why is it that most people believe communication should be easy? Good communication requires skill, attention, and energy. Many people believe, "If I have to work at this marriage, it must not be meant to be." Marriage requries work, lots of work.
Two rules of communicating successfully:
1. Listen first, speak second.
2. Ask questions. Don't assume.
Shared meaning happens when two or more people share the same meaning of an intended message and can repeat or paraphrase what is said.
Use feeling words carefully such as: ashamed; embarassed; hurt; lonely; scared; dicouraged; helpless; lost; sad; useless; confused; fearful; jealous; powerless; unimportant.
Take turns talking over what the problem is and how you think you can resolve it. One person talks first, while the other listens. Then switch: the listener becomes the talker and the talker becomes the listener. Remember to stay on subject of only ONE issue at a time. Resolve that issue before moving on. If it cannot be resolved at this time, set up a time when you will both feel comfortable calmly discussing the issue, preferably within 24 hours.
Taken from Just the Facts:Straight Talk About Marriage, program by Kelly Simpson
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