Communication Styles

How do you know your communication styles? Are you an extrovert or introvert? What is your partner? Ask yourself these few questions (taken from Straight Talk for Active Adults workbook):

1. When I'm with people in group I feel: a) energized or b) like doing something more private.

2. At a party I enjoy: a) talking with many people or b) talking with a few friends.

3. When I wait in line I: a) talk with others, including strangers or b)stick to business.

4. I consider myself to be a: a) good talker or b) good listener.

5. People think of me as: a) hard to talk to or b) easy to talk to.

6. Talking with strangers: a) energizes me or b)takes my energy away.

7. I consider myself: a) an outgoing person or b) a private person.

8. I am the kind of person who is a) talkative or b) doesn't miss much.

9. I tend to: a) talk as I think or b) think for a while before I talk.

10. When a phone rings I am likely to: a) answer it quickly or b) wait and check the message later.

What were most of your answers? If most of your answers were a's then you most likely are an extrovert. If most of your answers were b's then you most likely are an introvert.

An extrovert, is usually a talkative person (speaker) who tends to talk aloud as they think. They are usually the last person to leave a party, since they usually like to hang out with people. They like introverts because introverts listen to them. They usually do not like silence or not knowing what an introvert is thinking. Extroverts can be tired, but recharged when they get to be around people.

An introvert, is usually a quiet person (listener) who may not let you know what they are thinking. They like quiet time and may not share their opinions often, even if they know the answer. Introverts may be ready to leave a party 5 minutes after they arrive. They enjoy extroverts because extroverts do most of the talking. Sometimes they think extroverts can be too self-focused and tire them out by talking too much.

Neither of these is wrong. They are both perfectly normal. Whether you are a talker, listener, neither, both, or somewhere in between, communication creates closeness, and will have a tremendous pay-off in your quality of life. Learn to talk more if you're an introvert. Learn to listen more if your an extrovert. Respect each other for your differences and appreciate one another for who you are.

Taken from Just the Facts: Straight Talk About Marriage/Relationships by Kelly Simpson

Great Date Night in Alabama

In early celebration of National Marriage Week, we're up and running on our website as to what to do to win a great date night for you and your spouse. Go to www.jtfstraighttalk.com for more details. It's going to be great! Dinner at Outback; 2 tickets to Northside Cinemas; limo ride from Bay Limousines; bouquet of flowers from the Flower Shoppe; massage from Hemispheres; gift certificate from Saad Jewelers; and a lover's gift basket from Sweet and Sassy! So if you live in the Wiregrass area of Alabama, enter now!

Taken from "Straight Talk About Marriage"

A marriage is a work in progress through life, since people continue to grow and change. The key is to be willing to do things to take care of one another, not because it is NEEDED, but because having caring behaviors is what makes life so good.

Tips for Marriage
1. Know your partner's personality. (It is okay to be different.)
2. Show goodwill and ask questions rather than assuming the worst.
3. Don't allow yourself to be harsh/mean to your partner, even when you are tired. Control your behaviors.
4. Speak up for what you want.
5. Don't say "yes" just to get your partner off your back. Be honest about your feelings.
6. Use conflict resolution tools to help be respectful.
7. Take time to understand money matters. Create a family budget. Discuss how it is going. It is okay to ask questions.
8. Play together regularly, laugh and have fun. Create dates. Be romantic.
9. Create traditions that you do every day, every week, every year. These are the life-blood of relationships.
10. Be committed through the hills and valleys of marriage.

National Marriage Week

National Marriage Week is Feb. 7-14. This is a great time to reconnect with your spouse. Take some time to spend together and appreciate each other for all that you do. Say thank you, do something nice, or just give an unexpected hug. Put the romance back into the relationship. Do fun things with the kids and fun things without the kids. Make sure you make time just for the two of you. Call just to say "I love you" in the middle of the day. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Try something new. Learn something you didn't know about the other. Revisit memories. Talk. Listen. Laugh. Enjoy! National Marriage Week is a time for celebration! So celebrate each other!

Basic goals of Just The Facts

Just a little information about us. The following is a list of goals that our program strives for:
-To inspire hope that relationships can grow & improve
-To enhance awareness of & to teach acceptance of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
-To enhance the habit of ASSUMING GOODWILL regarding others
-To increase RESPECT OF DIFFERENCES
-To increase knowledge & skills for POWER OVER & CONTROL OF PERSONAL INTERNAL EMOTIONAL CLIMATES
-To provide ESSENTIAL TOOLS for creating effective relationships

Our programs teaches all of these things and enables people to grow their respect for and understanding of others. It takes work to change habits but it's worth it in the end. The more constructive your relationships become, the happier you're overall life will be.

Destructive Behaviors

Do you know what destructive behaviors are? We're all guilty of them. Destructive behaviors are specific things people do or say that mess up relationships. Stonewalling/the silent treatment is a destructive behavior. Assuming what your partner is thinking is another one. The same for rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or other signs of contempt. Bringing up several issues at a time and switching the subject by accusing the person of something else are two more destructive behaviors. Also, exaggerating or keeping score. These are just a few.

It's hard to break these habits. So how do you stop from doing this? It takes work. You have to recognize you're doing it in the first place. Then you apologize for doing it. That takes courage. Decide you're going to treat that person better and be aware of what you say or how you act. You have to keep a watch on yourself and don't make excuses. Acknowledge that you make mistakes but that you're trying to do better. Take personal responsibility. Train yourself to be the best person possible, so that each day you can see yourself in the mirror and enjoy who you are inside and how you treat other people. People who can manage situations without using destructive behaviors can be more successful with friends, family, and in careers.

Taken from Straight Talk About Relationships/Marriage by Kelly Simpson

Great Date Night 2

We have partnered with WDJR the Big Dog out of Dothan to host a contest for married couples. By next week, we'll post all of the details. We're excited to hear from married couples and to find out what's going on out there. We have businesses that have sponsored the prizes for this event. I can't wait to read the entries! I'll fill you in more on this next week! Until, hug each other...it might brighten your spouse's day!

Speak and Listen

My husband and I both work full time. We trade off responsibilities with the little one. For instance, tonight is cub scouts. Hubbie will pick up son and take him to cub scouts while I go home, take care of the dog, and cook dinner. Last night I picked up the little one, and went to the grocery store while hubbie went home and cooked dinner. Marriages are all about work, but mostly they're about working together. It's important for hubbie and I to communicate our needs, wants, (and even schedules) to each other so that we find it easier to stay on the same page. Things run more smoothly this way. When one of us tries to do everything his/herself, he/she becomes resentful and overwhelmed. I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk to each other. Neither one of us can read minds--no one can. So when one tries to guess what the other one wants and fails, it's both partners' faults for not communicating properly. Open up. Share. Communicate (that is speak AND LISTEN). You might be surprised at the change this makes. Simple but true.

Great Date Night 1

Just the Facts is teaming up with 96.9 The Big Dog in celebration of National Marriage Week! We'll be running our "SMOOCH" campaign in order to give away a Great Date Night! More details to come soon!

Money Matters

Budgeting should be a priority in the marriage. It is important that both parties are aware of how much money they have and what goes to what expense each month. If the couple is not on the same page, this could cause problems. If one partner is left in the dark, money could be spent elsewhere without their being aware of where the money was actually needed. Money is one of the main topics of argument for married couples, but this could be avoided as long as the two communicate and budget--separating their needs from their wants. When it comes to controlling money as a team, "Money should belong to both partners, not just to the one with the bigger paycheck. Resentment can build in the relationship if people do not treat each other respectfully about money. While money cannot buy happiness, having loving relationships can." *From Just the Facts.

Number One Rule

According to Kelly Simpson, founder of Just the Facts, "the number one rule of solving problems is to only discuss ONE issue at a time. Or else, the listener may feel attacked and the problem won't get solved." This is good advice but often hard to do. Instead of throwing a lot of issues at your partner at once, you should think about the issue at hand and address that one issue. You know your partner is not trying to hurt your feelings, so assume goodwill and know that the two of you can resolve the issue if you take turns talking and listening about that particular issue. Constructive communication is key to a healthy relationship. Learn to work together to solve your problems. Remember, ONE issue at a time.

Midweek

Midweek is probably tough because it's so close to the weekend, yet so far. Families look forward to the weekend so that they may spend time together. As a representative of Just the Facts, I will give you a personal example: My husband and I use our time on the weekend to catch up with each other. The week is full of work goals, but the weekend is our time to reconnect. Perhaps we should set relationship goals as well. Maybe this would bring us even closer together. Thoughts on this from anyone out there? We'd love to hear from you!

Just the Facts

Just the Facts is a grant program of The Hive Creative group located in Alabama (Birmingham, Mobile, and the Wiregrass area.) It consists of informational workshops that deal with relationships from young adults to married couples to coworkers in the workplace. Participants learn how to communicate, how to manage money, how to control emotions, and how to set goals. They also learn to avoid destructive behaviors and to celebrate strengths. Our website, www.jtfstraighttalk.com contains more information for those who are interested.